christ
lots of people say that hollywood builds unrealistic expectations of love, and it does. no matter what kind of film it is there’s almost always some sort of romantic relationship - how boring it would be without one - and so often there’s soulmates and “she’s the one” and all this shit. it’s made to make us unhappy, either in the present because we feel unloved or in the future when our relationships fuck up and it’s not like you planned in your head. you always think, maybe, hopefully, one day she’ll just come into your life and everything will change. even in those movies where it doesn’t end like that, where you don’t get the girl, it’s so dramatic - this one girl is the end of the world, and you waste years on her, waiting for her. we’ve created this concept of “the girl of your dreams” and in creating the idea, we’ve created the consequences. sure, if your wife leaves you, fuck yes, that’s bad. mope for months. but this girl who you never even had a relationship with, who fucking cares. not a question. “love” wouldn’t be like that, would it? all these elaborately opened jewellery boxes and roses and crying after her for weeks and weeks, that’s not love. maybe an expression of it but fuck that, it’s hollywood, everything is shiny. this love shit, it’s fucking every day. all around you. it’s the feeling you get after you tell her you fucking hate her, that sick feeling. and it’s the way you apologise to her after it, where what you’re saying is the only thing that matters in the world and maybe she won’t forgive you but it’s okay you understand if that’s the case but you really didn’t mean it. it’s how you sit awkwardly in silence until one of you comes up with something random. it’s how she comes into a room wearing something sexy and you don’t even think about fucking her. or you do. it’s when you’re angry at someone and they say something and suddenly all you can think about is if they’re okay. it’s not even cute and aww. it’s just everyday, and you need to fucking fight for it and work your ass off and shit, and the fucking benefits might not even show but it’s worth it for some fucking unknown reason. i’ve never even been “in love” but christ, if i have to constantly prove myself it’s not worth it. if i have to be exceptional, or unexceptional but somehow manage something amazing, then where’s the fun? i would be so much happier just living how you live, getting up and working and occasionally going out for drinks or something or maybe she’s on her rag and doesn’t want to.
i don’t even believe most of what i just said but i just think love isn’t all happy or all tragedy it’s just everyday. and that’s what’s good about it.
