February 2012
i've been watching skins again
my life in my head and outside of it are struggling to correlate again. i’m reading a book called tinkers, it isn’t helping. i’ve been apart from everyone, next week will change this but will it change me?
of course it will! i’m such a silly child.
people
first there was the girl who wouldn’t even take off her sunglasses to meet me with her eyes, even though she was trying to convince me with what she pretended was her soul (but was really her ego) that i should follow my heart, and maybe that’s a cliche but she was too, oh so designer (but capitalists are evil, you see!).
then there was the man who threw his card at me as if it spoke...
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“And as the ax bites into the wood, be comforted in the fact that the ache in...”
– Tinkers, by Paul Harding
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“The field was an abandoned lot. The remnants of an old house, long since fallen...”
– Tinkers, by Paul Harding
next-year-in-ramallah:
How do you all have homework all the time? I didn’t have homework ever when I was in school. Maybe I did and I just never did it, but fucking hell, you all always seem to be doing homework all the time? Ease up on the homework! Do more at school!
i’m curled up on my bed and i’m so fucking lonely and sad and i haven’t really cried in a while but i am now and everyone is so far away and i just want to be important enough for someone to talk to me but there isn’t anyone because i don’t think i’m interesting enough even though i really just want to listen to someone talk about themselves, i’m wearing...
my sadness is dragging my chest to the floor.
okay i finished series six and oh my goodness how i wept, i swear that show has some kind of indescribable hold on me, and it’s just so perfect and loretta just becomes right and cheryl and van and fuck everything is so wrong but still so right ah, slings and arrows are definitely nobler.
outrageous fortune makes me cry so much.
fuck
downloading a torrent program, in the install it says ‘tester1234’, can’t tell if it hacked my computer or if that’s a generic thing that it says to everyone…
oh and i forgot to mention!
today when i was on my way to the gym my best friend rang and since i’ve not spoken to him in three weeks this was quite wonderful and brightened my heart right up, and i was with my mum and he didn’t have much time so i couldn’t really tell him all the crazy shit in my life but it was nice just to have a few minute chat, and i will write to him soon when the arthritis in my hand...
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santana: at least i know i'm not alone.
mother: well no, you've got this little band that appears out of nowhere every time you decide to sing at random.
program write today!
i cannot wait to try it out tomorrow! unfortunately i had to work today so i didn’t get time to actually attempt it but i’m fairly sure it will kill me because there’s a stack of weights in there and i’ve never done much weight stuff before, plus it ends in interval cardio so if i wasn’t already wrecked i will be after that!
January 2012
